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I haven't written on here in exactly four weeks.

Over spring break (the last week of march), I binged four times. It was absolutely horrible. After that, I decided to up my fitness routine and when I weighed myself yesterday, I was 127.6 lbs. I'm so happy about that. It's taken me so long to get under the 130 mark, and I finally have. Now, my goal is to get to 119, so I have a ways to go. But I'm still happy. I'm very aware that I have an eating disorder, one that people struggle with for years. So I'll never fully be able to stop. So, I'm going to allow myself to binge for a two days in a row every three weeks. That way, I'll still be able to loose weight and have what I want. Yeah.

Anyhow, last night was my school's talent show. Everyone really sucked except this girl that sang "at last" and my brother's best friend, his brother, and this other guy, who happened to be the same guy I've mentioned before, the same one I've been lusting after for four years. The have a metal band and were actually very good. The thing about UB is that I can't make myself stop lusting after him. He's not even hot, at least not in the face. It's just, like, this thing that there's just something so...strange about the whole matter. He's just this guy who definitely knows of my presence and who I am (we have the same math class, he's friends with my brother, adn besides that I have this icky little intentional habit of showing up at alot of the same places he does. Not like stalking, just on coventry, or the RTA or something.), and I just think is the sexiest, hottest, end all in the universe. I just totally dig the living shit out of him. I can't quite articulate it here. I need to write something to do that.

And here comes my next story idea. I'm going to write about obbsessive love, I think. Unrequited, obsessed love.  The feeling that you can never have this one perosn you really love is just terrible, adn oyu pine away like echo and die repeating and replicating everything they ever say or do. My brand of lust for UB is like an artist. If I was a really talented painter or musician, I'd create so much in his image. Like, I'm the quiet, passive god, adn he's the active adam and eve.  I just find him so beautiful that I could honesty see the world operating and the sun shining becaue of him. If I can ever get on his facebook page I'll paste a link of his picture on here and put his entry on private.

Peace and Love,

Imani